Football, why can men cry?

Forget the score at the corner of the screen. When Inter Milan prepares to send a meaningless corner kick in the 76th minute, the face of an upset Inter Milan fan appears on screens around the world, a scene vividly telling the story of the Champions League final.

He was dejected, his heart was cut like a knife, his lower lip trembled, and his face was filled with tears. Paris Saint-Germain's fourth goal happened not long ago on the other end of the stadium, and it was too heavy for someone who seemed to be experiencing the end of the world.

"Imagine football will become like this?"

It is difficult to explain to those who have no interest in the sport why so many of us are immersed in it, investing so much emotion that we do unexplained behaviors—uncontrollable tears (whether it is joy or despair), embrace strangers, and even furious after doing something harmless—that are almost unimaginable in any other public place.

Football is essentially an escape from reality. It is a place where we forget the hardships and worries of our daily lives, and for better or worse, it can completely forget ourselves.

"It's a cathartic experience," said senior therapist Sally Baker. "Men are rarely allowed to express their emotions. But in the world of football, they can. And no one will say anything to them, everyone is together."

"They can swear - people will say things that they will never say outside during football games. It's safe and a unique environment for men to vent their emotions."

Baker's statement resonates with another thing that happened in Munich on the night of May 31. Less than two minutes left in the game, the camera caught Paris Saint-Germain’s assistant coach crying in the technical zone. His name is Raphael Pol Cabanellas, and his wife died of a prolonged illness last November.

Soccer’s ability to inspire emotions is extraordinary, regardless of whether or not there is a heartbreaking personal experience. The sport carries our hopes and fears, playing with our emotions in a way that few things in life can do, and at the same time, it also provides us with a shelter. There are scenes of crying in the

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video, and they are crying very hard.

This video lasts 1 minute and 24 seconds and was filmed at Wembley Stadium on the day of the FA Cup final. 10 minutes after stoppage time, the referee's whistle had just sounded. After 164 years of waiting, Crystal Palace finally defeated Manchester City 1:0 and won the first important trophy in team history.

ESPN Brazilian correspondent in the UK Joao Castro Blanco earlier decided to leave the press seat in an attempt to take some footage from the Crystal Palace fans.

The following scene cannot be described as celebration. It is real, magical, touching, sincere and warm. Football - This simple sport is of great significance but also touching.

"The lens captures something special," Castro Blanco said with a smile.

It's so special that you'll find yourself watching over and over, looking at people's faces – men and women, young and old – and thinking about all the stories they can tell you about how their lives are closely linked to Crystal Palace Football Club and wondering why this moment means a lot to them personally.

"When I was there, I felt 'this was incredible, I just tried to stay calm,'" Castro Blanco said. "There were so many things that you didn't know where to start. Sometimes you would see fans quickly turn the camera in every direction. But I tried to keep the camera stable, staying on the couple for a moment, and moving the camera a little, showing all kinds of different characters celebrating, and each shot I turned was filled with beautiful emotions."

The film started with a picture of "that couple" and an excited woman rushed into the arms of a man who seemed to have been following Crystal Palace for a long time, with tears in his eyes.

Behind them, another fan of similar age stood alone, holding his arms high and immersed in this exciting moment. Some fans covered their mouths with their hands and almost froze, while others wiped away their tears with scarves. A man arched his body, face down, sobbing. Another fan - perhaps his father - wrapped his arms around him and the two eventually sang together.

No matter how old or old, there are people crying everywhere—some crying and laughing.

"It's so beautiful," Castro Blanco added, "and what's really special is that there were not many fans filming (on mobile phones) at that time, and everyone was immersed in that moment." A few days after Crystal Palace won the championship at Wembley Stadium, Bilbao staged a similar scene: Tottenham defeated Manchester United and won the UEFA Cup. A few months ago, Newcastle United beat Liverpool in the England League Cup final to win the championship.

But in football, a trophy that is exciting enough does not require waiting for too long. Gary Pickles still remembers that Manchester City was about to win his fourth Premier League title in eight seasons in 2019, when he stood in the visiting stands in Brighton, holding his cell phone and photographing the fans around him, but suddenly stopped.

"I noticed my son Neil held his head with his hands in tears. We were winning the league title, but Neil was sobbing. I thought to myself, 'What's wrong?' No matter what it was, something must have touched him. He was about 25 years old at the time and wouldn't be like a child."

Pickles has been following Manchester City since the 1970s, and when we discuss whether his son's behavior in Brighton was a bit unusual, he made an interesting point.

"That video was taken before the COVID-19 pandemic," he said. "But I think people have been talking about mental health issues a lot since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, and this video has really helped men talk about it and maybe express their emotions."

Looking back, maybe some background information can be provided. In 2004, an article was published on the BBC website, below a photo of Paul Gascoin crying at the 1990 World Cup, a clinical psychologist said, "Many men know much more about how cars work than about their emotions."

Twenty years later, read this sentence again and you will realize how much change your life has taken.

"I think men have changed a lot," said Baker, a senior therapist. "I guess the stereotype is that if men and sports are going to show any emotion, it is usually anger. There are also fabricated stories that women are afraid that their men will come back if their team loses. But men are more willing and more capable of expressing more comprehensive emotions than just anger."

"I think they have changed a lot in the past 20 years, and this can be seen from the number of men who come to me for a doctor. I saw the ratio of patients with a 1:9 male-female ratio, but now it has become 2:3. Compared to 20 years ago, men have a stronger awareness and motivation to explore themselves, and they want to know who they are."

"This is not to say that men have never cried in football games before. When talking about this topic in the office, My colleague Amy Lawrence tells the story of watching football in the away stands in Anfield Stadium in 1989. At that time, Michael Thomas scored a dramatic goal at the last moment to help Arsenal win against Liverpool and secure the league title. When she finally "surfaced" to catch her breath in the subsequent chaotic celebrations, there was no one around her. "

"I found a guy standing beside me, and he looked like he was Like the typical football hooligan of the 1980s," said Amy Lawrence. "He is burly, a skinhead, and full of tattoos. He looks scary, but he's crying like a child. I can still see his expression, and it's beautiful because you never thought he would be the kind of person who broke down during the game."

But the young Ritchie Allman was not. In 2004, Leeds United was only 11 years old when they were on the verge of relegation from the Premier League. At that time, Allman took off his jersey and said on his chest, "Until death, I will be loyal to Leeds." Allman was cut off when the camera was aimed at the Bolton Rangers' visiting stands. Leeds United lost 1:4 in that game, all this was too heavy for him.

"My lower lip was falling off at that time and I couldn't control my lips at all," Allman said in an interview in 2020.

His mother Beverly was watching it all at home. "She called me crying and asked, 'How are you? You're on TV. The TV camera is directed at the audience and you're crying.'"

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After defeating Manchester City, Crystal Palace fans were saying the same thing for the next week and even longer. Kevin Day felt that the initial shock eventually turned into tears, and the tears actually flowed out from the supermarket near his home.

" I couldn't speak in the first minute (after the final whistle)," said the writer, comedian and lifelong Crystal Palace fan. "I looked around and found that I was the only one who didn't cry. It was incredible. Friends I've known for a long time, they were strong and usually didn't cry... but they all collapsed."

"I've never felt so excited. The next morning my son woke up, he was 29 years old. He threw himself into my arms, and after he was five, he He cried. "

" Then, on Monday morning, I bought a pint of milk in the supermarket and suddenly cried. I thought to myself, 'The last time I came here, we hadn't won the FA Cup yet'." "

Thinking of people who are no longer with us and cannot share important moments with us often triggers our feelings for football, and it is almost certainly true that Paris Saint-Germain coach Rafael Pol Cabanellas's experience in Munich.

This guy might be grandparents, they were the ones who initially brought you into a fan of a team, or for Day, his late father, who always talked about Crystal Palace games on the other end of the phone.

"Everyone I interviewed that Saturday night was hoping to call someone," Day said. "There must have been about 3 million Crystal Palace fans watching it all in heaven."

But seriously, I do doubt whether the posters about "speaking freely" posted in South London bars over the past five years have really had a positive impact, and whether this generation of men really think it's acceptable to express their emotions. Perhaps this message has finally been conveyed.

"Or it's just a group of people who have been waiting for over 100 years and finally happened. I don't know."

"But now I'm starting to think of all this again and have goose bumps."